What happens to your health if you stop having sex?

The Social Organisation of Sexuality, which reported on a survey of 3432 people in the United States, defined a “sexless marriage” as a couple who aren’t engaging in sexual activity or are having minimal sexual encounters.

What are the effects of not having sex?

“Abstaining from sexual activity can have a variety of effects on individuals, both physically and emotionally.”

One of the most immediate effects might be a change in the individual’s hormone levels. Regular sexual activity is known to boost the levels of certain hormones, like oxytocin and endorphins, which are associated with feelings of happiness and reduced stress. Therefore, “abstaining from sex may potentially lead to decreased levels of these hormones”, says Novitsky.

So, what are the benefits of regular sex? Here they are:

But if you’re not having sex, don’t worry, says Novitsky. “While regular sexual activity can have certain physical benefits, not having sex does not inherently lead to physical health issues,” she says.

There can, in fact, be psychological benefits to refraining from sexual activity.

“It can be a chance to regroup, to get a sense of who you are. There can be a lot of pressure on people to be sexual and to choose to be abstinent can be a huge relief,” says Ammanda Major, Relate’s head of clinical practice and a trained relationship counsellor and sex therapist.

Studies suggest that people who refrain from sex are no less happy than those who do have sex.

Why do couples stop having sex?

There are numerous reasons why couples may stop having sex. One survey of 2000 adults found that 45% of people list exhaustion as the most common reason for their lack of intimacy, followed by “life being too stressful” (29%), a drop in libido over time (28%), mismatched sex drives (20%), and simply low or no intimacy (19%). Find out more reasons in the chart below.

In more detail, Novitsky explains why some people may have a lower sex drive:

Some couples may experience a natural decline in sexual frequency over time as the novelty of the relationship wears off,” says Novitsky.

“It’s important to remember that a decrease in sexual activity doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem. It could merely be a transition into a different phase of the relationship. However, if the lack of sex is causing distress to either partner, it’s crucial to address the issue openly and constructively, considering professional help if needed.”

How to boost low sex drive

Fluctuations in sex drive are normal, and what is considered a low sex drive varies from person to person, says Novitsky. “The most important aspect is that you feel comfortable and satisfied with your sexual life,” she says.

But if you feel a boost is necessary, she recommends a multi-faceted approach that encompasses physical health, mental wellbeing and relationship dynamics:

1. Prioritise self-care

Novitsky recommends getting regular exercise, eating a balanced diet and getting adequate sleep. In fact, a small-scale study of women in 2015 suggested that sleeping for longer the night before increased their sexual desire the next day.

Regular exercise can help libido in many ways. A 2015 study of men undergoing androgen deprivation therapy, which lowers testosterone levels, found that regular exercise helped men cope with body image concerns, low libido and relationship changes relating to their treatment.

“Regular physical activity can increase blood flow, enhance mood and improve body image, all of which can contribute to a healthier sex drive,” says Novitsky. “A diet rich in nutrients can also support hormonal balance and energy levels.”

2. Manage stress

It’s important to manage stress, says Novitsky. “High stress levels can negatively impact libido. Incorporating stress-management techniques such as yoga, mindfulness or meditation into your daily routine can help reduce stress and anxiety levels, potentially improving sexual desire.”

3. Behavioural therapy

Studies also show that therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy can improve sexual dysfunction. A trial involving 198 women found that CBT can play a positive and effective role in improving sexual relationships. Another review concluded that CBT can help erectile dysfunction alongside drug therapies.

4. Seeking professional help

Major also suggests seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor who can give you the space, guidance and strategies to help counteract any emotional issues that might be affecting libido.

“Sex can create a sense of connectedness and comfort. Even if the desire is waning, it doesn’t mean you can’t reach out and be intimate and gain comfort and affection from each other. But that often starts with being able to talk about how you’re feeling,” she says.

What to do if your partner has no desire for sex

It’s very common to find that your desire is mismatched with your partner’s. Research shows that around 80% of couples regularly experience situations where one partner has a desire for sex and the other doesn’t.

It’s important to talk about it without blame, says Major. She suggests a tentative approach. “Don’t go in all guns blazing: ‘I’m not happy, it’s your fault…’ Start with language like: ‘I’ve noticed recently… I’ve been thinking that, or I’ve been feeling that, and I really want to share that with you…’

“Then ask a question, something like: ‘What are your thoughts about that?’ A lot of people feel more comfortable telling their partner how they’re feeling, but they’re not really making much opportunity to listen to what the other person has to say. Open up the conversation and listen.”

Many people may struggle with having open and honest conversations about sex within their relationships, but research shows that talking about your needs and desires can improve sexual relations.

“A lot of people are scared to have the conversation because they catastrophise and worry that it means the end of the relationship. But we need to normalise the ebb and flow of our sex drive and keep the lines of communication open. Reach out to each other not just physically but emotionally too – with kindness,” says Major.

Novitsky agrees. “Focus on creating shared experiences, expressing affection and understanding your partner’s needs. Every individual and relationship experiences variations in sexual desire, and it’s important to navigate these changes with patience and understanding.”