That’s what I did. I called a town hall meeting, and advised I would be stepping down as CEO and out of the company in an operational capacity. The shock and disbelief was palpable. As was the surprise when I announced I was going to be a stay-at-home dad. Word spread across the industry, and the reactions were interesting. One fellow tech founder suggested I was a loser, and another said it was career suicide. Other comments included “you will be back in two weeks”, “you will get bored” and “what is your wife doing?”.
But I also got some positive messages, saying I was setting a great example to other fathers, role modelling inclusive leadership, and wouldn’t regret it. These messages were validating. I then walked into my local baby and toddler group; I was the only man in the room. The discomfort kicked in; what had I done? Luckily, a few of the mothers welcomed me in, and I started to embrace my new role. I encountered a range of challenges, from baby changing facilities that were in women’s toilets to judgment of my caring capabilities and status in society.
It was also challenging from a masculinity perspective. Previously I’d had a network of leaders to open up to about my challenges, share worries and wins, and this made leadership less lonely. However, as a stay-at-home father, no one in my previous groups could appreciate my experience, and support networks for fathers only existed in cities far from where I lived. I didn’t see myself represented in society either. Black fathers parenting positively didn’t fit the stereotype. The transition became the catalyst to go to therapy, so I could become a better father and work on myself in a positive way.
While that doesn’t sound like it was going well, I was still at home with my children 3 years later, despite having only planned for 6 months. The experience fundamentally transformed who I am as a person, a father, a leader and a partner. Spending time with the mothers and grandmothers in the group opened my eyes to the barriers and harassment that women faced in society that I hadn’t noticed or experienced myself. It made me curious about what else I was missing. I started to see inequity everywhere. I wanted to do something about it, but didn’t know how.
I’d also seen just how undervalued caregiving was in the UK. How a third of fathers didn’t take any parental leave. How fathers wanted more than the paltry 2 weeks the government offered. Just how privileged I was to be able to afford to have years with my children. How being in a female-dominant environment had changed how I navigated the world. How after looking after two toddlers, I’d become highly skilled in negotiation, communication, presence and patience.
With both my children at school, I decided to lead something new. Something purposeful. I launched Male Allies UK, an organisation focused on the skills of allyship, engaging men in inclusion, closing gender gaps and supporting boys in schools. And my experiences and lessons learnt over the past 20 years became the foundations for writing my new book, Momentum: 13 Ways to Unlock Your Potential. I’ve been recognised by UN Women and the National Academy of Sciences for my work, but it all started with the bold step of completely changing my career path.
I look back on that decision with pride. The bond I have with my children is priceless. But interesting, there are similarities between being a CEO and a parent, with expectations to lead the way, to inspire, to nurture and to make impact. They are both stressful at times, you will get things wrong, and things will not go as planned or projected.
It was a hard decision, but the best decision I have ever made. I continue to lobby for better parental leave and men being able to caregive loudly. For leaders to be more inclusive and self-aware.
I went from Tech CEO to stay-at-home father. And if you ask me which one made me a better leader, it wasn’t my time in the boardroom. It was my time in the baby room.
Lee Chambers is a psychologist and the author of Momentum: 13 Ways to Unlock Your Potential, published by Kogan Page. leechambers.org